Right there in front of me, I heard him say, “Anything is possible, however, there’s an issue is about having been exposed to generational subterfuge training. The degeneracy of the mind program that’s left most of us with crippled imaginations. Not only can we not believe most of our everyday truth, we can’t conceive of it. There’s a disconnect from the essence witness of our dreams, and the contemplation practice meant to inspire and amaze. For the most part, we are clueless of the context of where our lives are, and how they’re unfolding. We’re lost.”
The room fell silent. Quiet in the way it gets immediately before an accident. A momentary pause as fate anticipates shift. Then… Clamor!! Crash!! Rush and sensory bombardment ensue. The internal turbulence which makes ration, judgement and patience impossible. It is near pure reaction. I can’t tell if the volume is coming from within or without. This degeneracy idea hits home. In a cinematic way I hear my voice. The voice is exclaiming, “What in god’s name are you talking about!? Where do you get this crap!? Lost!?”
What happened next is difficult to recall. I remember thinking that this dude was mocking me. The next thing I know is that I lunge at him, and seemingly hit air with no balance. I perceived and felt an intense threat. It was like a challenge to my baseline belief and security, putting my identity pride on the line. This damn ‘know it all’ stranger had triggered an automatic reflexive response of contempt and condemnation. It was a compromise conclusion. He was now the instant target of a building attack, “Friggin jerk!!! You get off on pissing people off insulting!?!?” I remember the feeling of falling, and the thought of grabbing. Desperation flooded, and a point had to be proved in prideful image. Reason no longer mattered or seemed relevant. I was falling alone, sensing loss, total loss, in full identity crisis. Panic?! My periphery began to darken. It was like looking through a tube at the protagonist. Hurry! Fury! The feeling fills in that all is lost. Humiliated in loss. Let down and forsaken. I’m lost, lost to all meaning. Fear. Hyper fear!
The next thing I know is the sensation of cold cool coming through the stinging feeling in my lips. I hear Carol say, “Have you lost your mind!? You just attacked a complete stranger! Your lucky you didn’t get arrested or really beat up.” I was confused, but I knew one thing for sure. It was something he had said which could not be reconciled. I’m going to restore my pride, and this jerk, and any like him, are going to pay.